oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
