it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
