I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
