I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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