Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
