Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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