The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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