There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
