You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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