In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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