3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
