On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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