Me too!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
