At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
