I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
