I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
