I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
