just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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