I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
