Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize