I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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