He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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