Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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