If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
