okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
