I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
