He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
