i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
