ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
