Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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