Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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