i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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