Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
