My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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