i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
