I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The power of my boobs compel you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
