I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize