I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
