my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
