I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize