when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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