That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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