i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
