What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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