Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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