I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every concussion has its silver lining
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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