Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Terrible idea I love it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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