I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
