my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
