Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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