she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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