Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
