Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Enjoy the penises
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
