6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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