so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize