Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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