Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
