i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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