You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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