those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize