remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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