At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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