did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
