just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
