Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize